A different Perspective From an Unheard Voice: By Kennedy Hailey

Growing up with a christian mother I was fed information and gained knowledge of who God was, but I didn't know Him. There is a distinctive difference between knowing of God and knowing God. Knowing God and having a profound relationship with Him grants you a kind of happiness that no human or object can EVER grant you. It's an unexplainable love that God feels for you. Unfortunately, I never knew that until recently, but fortunately God took me in with open arms and an open heart. As a young girl with much older siblings I was never acknowledged as a person who has feelings. Almost my whole life I was told, “you don't know what you’re talking about.” “You’re far too young to understand what pain is.” I was made to feel that my feelings were invalid, and I had no purpose in the real world. As a result of this internal pain I became quiet. Pain has no age limits, young and old feel pain daily, it's a human function. I felt like an unpacked box with items that people just seem to forget about because they have new things to replace the unpacked box. They soon see that the unpacked box has no meaning in their lives, so they throw it all away. I was an afterthought that no one cared to revisit. The only time people began to “care” it was far too late for anyone to stop me. I felt worthless, I didn't deserve to be here. So I started to cut my body. 

At first it was once, then it was four times , and soon it turned into a suicide attempt  at the young ages of 13 and 15. I was over the treatment, maybe if I was gone then they would know my name, and realize that they shouldn't have thrown away that unpacked box. I was soon taken to a hospital for people “like me”. We were seen as outcasts, we were not normal. When you hear that for half your life, you start to believe it. When some of my family found out, they soon began to care and ask an overwhelming amount of questions. “Why would you do this?” “Are you okay?” “Do you wanna be here?” I left them without answers on why and what urged me to do such an egregious act of harm. “I don’t know, I don't know.” “I'm fine.” That is all the words I could form without breaking down and crying. I wanted to say much more than that, but instead I left them without answers and will continue to. Part of me is still that young girl who was told to stop talking because I'm uneducated, “You can't think clearly.” Those words still haunt me.

I was in so much agonizing pain, after I left that hospital I was still incomplete. I thought if God loved me, “why would He put me through this?” Every year I go to a church camp and every year I look forward to going. Not this year, this year I begged my mom not to make me go. I let the enemy get in the way of my faith. Of course I went and because of that I now know God on a deeper level. Before this I was in a spiritual battle and was angry with everyone including God. The one who never left my side. Who caught every tear. Who comforted me when I was alone in the dark depressing corner in my room with nothing to live for. During this camp the most life changing thing happened to me. I spoke in tongues, not once, but three times. I collapsed to the ground crying out for my Father above to grant me healing. For all burdens I carry to be lifted. That night I gave myself to Jesus, I declared Him as my Lord and Savior. That night at the camp alter the heavens rejoiced, that night at the camp altar I knew God. That young girl who didn't have a voice, was heard by all the heavens. That little girl who felt alone was surrounded by those who loved her. That little girl who didn't have a will to live God put breath in her lungs. That little girl is me. I am a flourishing child of God who is filled with magnanimity, perseverance and a heart for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.